And I have a lot of them. So I think that I want to start at the beginning.
When I was young, I always felt like I was just there. There are a lot of us, and I was never "trouble." Not until I was older. And, even then, trouble was relative. It was incidental. And then became the highlights of my life. I got pregnant young. I was young, our relationship was young, and it was a surprise. Each time. (Yeah, more than once. Judge away.)
I dated Huck and Pippi's dad for just a few months before I found myself pregnant. So, we tried to make it work. I was young. And pregnant. It seemed like the right choice. It was really hard. It was really hard because it didn't work. I had the babies and didn't work - it wasn't financially feasible. Their dad jumped from job to job, and spent a lot of time volunteering with the fire department. I would get very angry. And very lonely. I would get angry because I was lonely. He would get angry because I was angry. He put his hands on me one time. That was the day it was over for me. I pretended for a very long time that it would be okay. It wasn't. It wouldn't ever be.
I needed more for my kids. I needed to raise a boy to respect women, and a girl who demands respect. If I succeed in that, then I will have hit the lottery.
God, I have so much more for you, J. But not enough energy today. XOXO.
No comments:
Post a Comment