I'm okay with that. Like now. I sit at a bar, by myself. Do I enjoy the company of the people that surround me? Absolutely. Does that make me relish my time alone any less? Nope.
I enjoy being alone. Is that strange? Sometimes people make me believe that it is. For me, though, it's important to maintain my autonomy. My own personhood. Separate from any person that I choose to attach my life to, or interact with.
We've established my own failings at relationships (at least I think we have), so my desire for independence shouldn't be so shocking.
Maybe I'm just bad at interpersonal communication. Probably. I probably am.
But, really, is it so bad? Is it that difficult for a dude to accept that maybe, just maybe, I'm not looking for someone forever. I'm just looking for someone for tonight. And tomorrow if that works. I'm okay with one day. And another if it works.
None of that means that I'm looking to get married. I don't really plan on doing that ever again. Nor does it mean that I'm looking for more kids. I have more of those than I have hands at this point, so I'm content. I mean, I'm sexy as fuck pregnant, but I'm good. Not in my search.
I'm so very happy being alone with my kids, and having whatever I'd like separate from that. This is kind of my ideal.
Whatever though. I'm sorry. I'm a bit tipsy right now. I guess this is probably the most open I'll be for a while. I may edit later. Meh.
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